Struggling with insecurity? Learn to silence it – Part I

Posted by on Feb 21, 2017 in Lessons from Laurel | 4 comments

Struggling with insecurity? Learn to silence it – Part I

A number of years ago, I caught sight of a book on a friend’s coffee table. It was called So long insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us (Moore, 2010). It had just been released, and my friend who had long struggled with low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy had read it right away. I casually asked about, mentioning maybe I should read it too.



Oh, I don’t struggle with insecurity, but some of my clients do. Do you mind if I borrow it?


I wasn’t intentionally being deceptive…I just didn’t realize at the time the role insecurity played in my life. I’ve always tried to put on a tough exterior, never wanting anyone to see my weaknesses or vulnerabilities. In particular after becoming a “psychotherapist”…


How can a counselor have struggles?


<Note to Self: You are human.>


Maybe you’re struggling with insecurity yourself. Finding yourself feeling like you’re not worthy of something– of love, of attention, of time together, of forgiveness. Don’t feel wanted? Good enough? Smart enough? Attractive enough? Yep, that’s insecurity. Perhaps there’s a negative voice from your past that you keep hearing in your mind, like a song on repeat. Maybe the voice is your own. There might even be someone presently in your life triggering self-defeating thoughts and feelings through their words or actions. It could be they don’t even know. In fact, they may be insecure too.


The reality is this: Everyone is insecure about something. (As hard as it is to admit, “everyone” includes me.)


The good news is this: You can silence the insecurity. It may not work 100% of the time because we so often get in our own way, but we can definitely get a better handle on what’s been ailing us. It’s time to evict the critics that have lived far too long in our own minds. Those shaming, negative voices that weigh us down leaving us distracted from what really matters. You – WE – can break the chains of insecurity and be set free from this burden. It’s a process that takes time and effort, but it’s oh. so. worth. it.


But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.


Stayed tuned for Part II of “Struggling with Insecurity? Learn to Silence It”. In the meantime, the comments are open and I invite you to share your struggles with insecurity, and any effective techniques you have found to help silence the critics in your own mind. I’ll share some of those along with my own ideas in my next post! Be bold and join with other voices willing to speak up about insecurity as we learn to conquer it together! I want to see you be brave. 

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4 Responses to “Struggling with insecurity? Learn to silence it – Part I”

  1. I have struggled most of my life with the dark emptiness of acceptance through performance. And of course, I was not perfect and neither was my performances most of the time. this left me with feelings of not being good enough. the worst part was the nagging reality that my every effort seemed to fall me every time. It was so tough trying to create my own acceptance as opposed to being accepted. what i did not then know was I was not the only one in that place. I was shocked to learn from those whom I sort acceptance that they too walked the same path that felt so lonely for me. of course those from whom I desired acceptance were in no place to give it because they were themselves pursuing it.
    Then I learned in a Bible study group that God totally accepted me the way I am as I am. For the first time I became aware that perfection is not a prerequisite skill for Gods approval. then I read Solomon admonition that “Of the making of books there is no end….An with much wisdom is much grief and with increased knowledge is increased sorrow” (Ecclesiastes 12:12; 1:18). Then it downed on me that to be able to perform perfectly is not unto peace for perfect performance is intrinsically relative because of the fluid nature of knowledge and my inherently flawed nature.
    The answer was accepting that i am a perpetual student. It was in accepting that not knowing is normal and not measuring up perfectly to whats expected of me is acceptable, and that, focusing and quality invest meant is the goal. So when I know I gave my all they way I best know how hen if i learn of new ways to be with others and my self, I do this too with honest commitment. My new motto became people can not fail only methods do. So find the right method and people can be where they want to be. So what helps the most is staying in the truth space that only my honest best is required and disapproval is about the beliefs and desires of the evaluator and not the inherent goodness one being evaluated.

    • Thank-you for the reply! I love what you say here about acceptance, and how God does NOT except or require perfection. He knows we’re not perfect, so He sent His son to die for our sin…to be the redeemer, our bridge, between us and God. 🙂 Speaking the truth to ourselves is SO important! Thanks again!

  2. I love this! I’m speaking at a community church event discussing our identity in Christ (interestingly, no one has aptly defined this).

    I will be using this very concept to dispel why women don’t walk in confidence or know who they truly are!

    Hope Unveiled!

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