Struggling with Insecurity? Learn to Silence It – Part II.

Struggling with Insecurity? Learn to Silence It – Part II.

Insecurity. Clearly, this resonates with many of us. Whether it’s striving to be accepted or difficulty with knowing our true identity, it can be a real struggle. Yet, we can learn to silence it. Or, at least, turn the volume down on the voices (perceived and real) that whisper (or shout) that we aren’t good enough.

Friend, let me tell you, after a good number of years of bumps, scrapes, false starts, and restarts, I finally know within the fibers of my being that we are not merely defined by who others say or thinks we are. We aren’t merely a product of our parents, and we’re not even who we have worked so hard to be or believe we are.

We are simply who God says we are.

Let’s take a look at a few scriptures that reveal this truth in more detail:

Ephesians 1:4 says God chose us.

Ephesians 1:7 tells us we are forgiven.

Ephesians 2:10 states we are His workmanship (not our own).

We learn in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that we are God’s temple, in John 1:12 that we are God’s children, and in John 15:15 that we are friends of Jesus.

We cannot allow the world or even well-meaning friends and family to wrongly define and label us. When you start to hear that lying voice in your head saying you are not good enough, attractive enough,  smart enough, or simply enough, stop right there and tell yourself (yell it out loud if you have to):

“No, I am not stupid. I am God’s workmanship!”

“No, I am not unloved or unwanted. I am a friend of Jesus!”

“No, I do not deserve to be abused. I am a temple of God!”

Allow the voice of the Savior to be heard above every other voice…including your own. That is the only way to silence insecurity.

Want to read more on this topic? It can be found in chapter 12 of my upcoming book “Reclaiming Sanity: Hope and Healing for Trauma, Stress, and Overwhelming Life Events” to be released on June 1, 2017. Pre-order TODAY

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Struggling with insecurity? Learn to silence it – Part I

Struggling with insecurity? Learn to silence it – Part I

A number of years ago, I caught sight of a book on a friend’s coffee table. It was called So long insecurity: You’ve been a bad friend to us (Moore, 2010). It had just been released, and my friend who had long struggled with low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy had read it right away. I casually asked about, mentioning maybe I should read it too.

 

 

Oh, I don’t struggle with insecurity, but some of my clients do. Do you mind if I borrow it?

 

I wasn’t intentionally being deceptive…I just didn’t realize at the time the role insecurity played in my life. I’ve always tried to put on a tough exterior, never wanting anyone to see my weaknesses or vulnerabilities. In particular after becoming a “psychotherapist”…

 

How can a counselor have struggles?

 

<Note to Self: You are human.>

 

Maybe you’re struggling with insecurity yourself. Finding yourself feeling like you’re not worthy of something– of love, of attention, of time together, of forgiveness. Don’t feel wanted? Good enough? Smart enough? Attractive enough? Yep, that’s insecurity. Perhaps there’s a negative voice from your past that you keep hearing in your mind, like a song on repeat. Maybe the voice is your own. There might even be someone presently in your life triggering self-defeating thoughts and feelings through their words or actions. It could be they don’t even know. In fact, they may be insecure too.

 

The reality is this: Everyone is insecure about something. (As hard as it is to admit, “everyone” includes me.)

 

The good news is this: You can silence the insecurity. It may not work 100% of the time because we so often get in our own way, but we can definitely get a better handle on what’s been ailing us. It’s time to evict the critics that have lived far too long in our own minds. Those shaming, negative voices that weigh us down leaving us distracted from what really matters. You – WE – can break the chains of insecurity and be set free from this burden. It’s a process that takes time and effort, but it’s oh. so. worth. it.

 

But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

 

Stayed tuned for Part II of “Struggling with Insecurity? Learn to Silence It”. In the meantime, the comments are open and I invite you to share your struggles with insecurity, and any effective techniques you have found to help silence the critics in your own mind. I’ll share some of those along with my own ideas in my next post! Be bold and join with other voices willing to speak up about insecurity as we learn to conquer it together! I want to see you be brave. 

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On Apologies, Forgiveness, and What Really Matters: A Valentine’s Day Message

On Apologies, Forgiveness, and What Really Matters: A Valentine’s Day Message

The year was 2004, and my husband and I were spending our first Valentine’s Day together as a married couple. Being completely unaware about these types of things, we neglected to make reservations for one of the restaurant industry’s busiest nights of the year. As we drove around town seeing packed parking lots and learning wait times were far too long, my husband became increasingly hungry and angry – yep, hangry. In a moment of complete exasperation my usually calm, patient, and accommodating husband declared: “If we don’t find someplace to eat NOW, we are going to Wendy’s!” Well, of course, that was not going to do for this young bride of 6 months. Thankfully, the Lord intervened and landed us at a mom and pop Italian restaurant tucked away in a strip mall that wasn’t busy at all. We enjoyed a lovely meal, apologized and forgave one another for the spat that took place during our dinner search, and visited what became “our place” many times until we moved out of that state. While that hidden gem has long since gone out of business, my husband and I have enjoyed many more Valentine’s Days together. Not all of them have been as picture perfect as a Hallmark greeting card, but they are all treasured memories because of the love that we have shared in good times and in bad. A big part of our relationship has been learning to say “I’m sorry” – a lot. And forgiving one another even more. The forgiveness and grace we are able to offer each other does not come from our own strength. If that’s what I relied on, I might still be upset that my new husband wanted to take me to a fast food restaurant for our first Valentine’s Day! No, instead, our strength to apologize and forgive comes from the Lord. I love the way Daniel 9:9 tells us that “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him” (NIV). And because of the forgiveness that I’m offered even when I oppose God, I am able to forgive my husband when we are in opposition, and he so graciously forgives me as well. The most famous line from Erich Segal’s novel Love Story, and the movie of the same name, is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I completely disagree. If we love someone, we should be willing to ask for forgiveness when we’ve done something wrong. And we should be willing to forgive as Colossians 3:13 says that we should …forgive as the Lord forgave us. Forgiveness, both giving and receiving, is so important in a relationship. As the years pass by, I realize more and more what really matters in marriage. Love. Perhaps next Valentine’s Day my husband and I will forgo the dress up and fancy dinner for a take out meal together at home, prayerfully with a little one seated in a highchair between us. There’s a Wendy’s right around the corner.

 

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